yesterday was great. i went to run some errands and i happened to stumble across coconut lime verbena candles! woot! i was under the impression that the white barn candle company was no longer making them. needless to say, i spent about $30 on g.d. candles. brad wasn't mad. turns out he secretly loves the way they smell too. yay! then we went out to get dinner at some crappy bar and grill type place. we were disappointed. thought it might be cool, but nonono. we were going to discuss having children when we got home, but alas, our neighbor was outside with his brother, so we hung out with them for awhile, then i had to go to work.

i dunno. lately i've been having this desire to have kids. maybe it's the 2 hours a day that a baby story comes on tlc, or maybe it's just i think i'd really enjoy being pregnant. i'm sure i'll love having kids, but i really don't like babies that much. especially the really small ones. i'm hoping when we have kids, they'll weigh around 8 pounds when they're born. that way they don't look so tiny and fragile. i know brad would like to have kids, but my main hesitation is school and financial issues. i just want everything to be pretty stable once we do this. i guess that will never happen. at least that's what everyone says. i have a year or so left with school, so i guess by the time i actually had a baby, i'd be done or just lacking one class. i think i'm afraid that if we have kids in the near future i'm not sure what will happen. when i think about it, i'll be done with school and i know i can rely pretty heavily on getting a job at the medical examiner's office in tarrant county (i have to intern there - was told if i do a good job, they'll hire me) while brad finishes up his school. i guess i'm paranoid that brad has more schooling left than we know and i'll be stuck working for 2 years while i really want to go to med school. i doubt we could both go to school, work, and have a baby to take care of. i guess i could always wait to go until brad gets closer to being finished. it would suck if i did all this worrying now only to find out later that i can't get in anywhere. ha. no harm trying to prepare though. i'm crazy aren't i? i'm not even 25 yet. we shouldn't have kids yet - should we? plus, i don't really want to gain 5 billion pounds when i'm pregnant. my friend andrea had a baby last month. she gained over 100 pounds. that's fucked up. she did weigh around 130 and after, she weighed 220 or 230. i don't remember which. she's sad because she said she lost like 18 pounds and still weighs over 200 pounds. no sir, i don't want that to happen to me! i need to lose about 20 more pounds, then i'll be okay with the weight gain. come on fat! why don't you just melt off my body?! i've been good to you! i've been feeding you better foods. what? it's that soda that's upsetting you? well, considering it gone! no more soda for you! and the late night snacks up at work? well, i'll go back to eating crackers. sorry! i didn't know. i was weak. OKAY, it's official. i've lost it. i'm talking to my belly fat. wow.

well, on that blabbering note, i think it's time to stop writing now. i saw gwen's new survey on her site and damn, i'm trying to remember what i did with those really long ones i had that i was going to fill out! that would give me something to do at work tonight! i'm caught up and i know i'm just going to be sitting there all night! i can't help hotline with their stuff, because the stuff i can do, we did last night! GWEN - if you read this, i know you probably have lots of surveys! find me a long one to keep me occupied tonight!

Current Music: blow out - radiohead